


Cruise Control

by simplecoffee



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bruce is the cutest, Cars, F/F, F/M, Fast Cars, Fevers, Flirting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lamborghini - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Nat is awesome but we all knew that, Nightmares, Schmoop, Snuggling, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark: Iron Cat, also allusion to Tony having been turned into an actual cat once, and loves his cars, author developed a crush on the RR Phantom while writing this, author has a car kink and does not apologize, automotive anthropomorphism, because this is the darnedest fandom I love it so much, cat-related nicknames, fill for my own prompt heh heh heh heh, general warning for ~insanity~, just go with it okay, person/vehicle otp, physics-defying occurrences, seriously I didn't even like Rolls-Royce all that much before this fic happened, this can only be made plausible in a select number of fandoms (and this is one of them)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 17:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplecoffee/pseuds/simplecoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony wakes up on the floor of his workshop...with eight <i>very</i> familiar people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cruise Control

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for my own prompt (I know, I know) [here](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/16524.html?thread=36552332#t36552332), because lj users [lucryllyn](lucrllyn.livejournal.com) and [princess_aleera](princess-aleera.livejournal.com) are the _best_. *hugs both of them*  
>  I couldn't get as much Steve, Clint or Thor as I wanted into this, but hopefully it'll work reasonably well anyway, yeah? :D

Waking up in a tangle of limbs was not a foreign sensation to Tony - waking up on the floor with his head throbbing even less so - but waking up in a _polysnuggle_ , well, _nope_. For all his secret and subtle (yes, subtle, shut up, shh, he has a reputation to maintain) endeavours to change that, the Avengers _never_ polysnuggled.

Therefore these were not the Avengers.

Right. There was a face pressed into the right side of his neck - a female face, judging by the length and softness of the hair - and the black-clad arm tucked protectively (what?) around him seemed to belong to the same person. Another female body was pressed to his left side, one of its ankles locked gently with his. And...something...was hovering over him.

Wait, something - _someone_. Someone slight and delicate and tough, beautiful and black-haired and Japanese, dressed in flowing, strapless violet. Someone looking fondly down at him, almost purring with delight at finding him awake. Smiling knowingly as she moved aside to allow him to sit up and stare at her like an absolute moron, but really, Tony is _still_ pretty sure that can be excused.

"... _Rei_?"  
  
***  
  
"...Rei. Ignis, Liz, Adrian, Lyra..." cascading, tawny hair, compact, muscular frame, limbs flung all anyhow in sleep, matte orange racing jumpsuit, holy _shit_ , Ignis was _gorgeous_. Not that he hadn't known that, and not that Elizabeth and Adrian were far behind, their red and grey shirts and trousers cut as subtly similarly as their jaws. Lyra, tiny and almost-platinum blonde in her champagne-coloured sports dress, was one of the last to wake, mumbling 'morning, guys' as she stretched.

To his right...well, figures the one tucked so closely against him would be Carol - and beyond her sat Katherine - Kath, Kat, Kate of the wellnigh-auburn hair, Kate reaching for him and holding his hand and purring contentedly at the contact - in a 'sensible' but beautiful beige dress and pumps, and...

" _Harry_. You shouldn't be sleeping on the floor at your age, Harry."

"You watch your mouth, kid," said the Armani-clad Ford, reaching over to ruffle Tony's hair.

"Besides," said Carol sleepily, "you're sick."

Huh. That would explain the headache. "JARVIS, what's my temperature?"

"Ninety-nine point seven Fahrenheit, sir."

"Huh. Would that be why you guys are all _snuggling me_?"

"You were sicker last night," said Ignis from the floor, "only DUM-E managed to put some ibuprofen in a smoothie for you."

"You are all a bunch of sneaky sneaks who sneak, I can't think why I love you all, and incidentally how the hell did you manage to get yourselves turned into humans, for _crying out loud_ \- "

"Shut up, Tony," said Carol, fondly, sitting up beside him and stretching - and huh, when had he sat up, anyway? "For one, we have no idea, and for two, we are awesome and you know it."

"Vice versa, lady," Tony shot back automatically, and turned to get a better look at her; she was tall and lithe with soft dark hair and sparkling dark eyes, and though her almost-black jumpsuit fit more loosely than Ignis', there was a certain wayward grace in the way it caressed her frame. Even in human form, she was just so _familiar_ , sitting there smiling at him with her shoulders thrown back, and -

"Oh god, you've seen it."

"Carol. - Carol. _Carol_. Did I do that?"

" _Tony_ , it's - "

"Don't you fucking tell me it's nothing, Carol, _it's a repulsor burn_ , it's - Carol, _I did that_."

"Hey. _Hey_. Tony. Hey."

And the next thing he knew he was placing a soft kiss on the scarred shoulder of his '67 Shelby Cobra. Murmuring broken apologies into the shoulder of her jumpsuit. Letting her stroke his shoulders and hold him close as though she'd been doing it all his life.

Which, yeah, she pretty much had.

Wait, she was talking.

"Tony. Tony. Look up. Listen to me."

And dammit, she was _Carol_ , so he did; she caught his jaw.

And said simply, "You fixed me."

Tony stared.

"You _fixed me_ ," she repeated. "You put me back together piece by goddamned piece when anyone else, _any-fucking-one_ else, would have left me for scrap. Do you know how much that means, Tony Stark? Do you know how much our lives with you mean to us, do you _know_ how often regular supercars change hands, how badly they're treated? Tony, to the majority of the human catcons of the supercar community, we're nothing more than _chassis numbers_. You treat us as people. You always have."

"Jesus H., you _are_ people, you have never not been people to me, goddamnit Carol, _did I miss anything_?"

She blinked, then sighed and stroked his jaw.

"You didn't miss anything, Tony-cat. It's a scar. It's a souvenir. I keep it as a symbol of how far you've come. And besides, I think it's kinda sexy."

"As long as you're okay with it, I guess," mumbled Tony, dropping his head back onto her shoulder. "Also, did you just nickname me?"

"I pretty much _brought you up_ , I think I'm entitled, hey?"

"You should rest," said Rei randomly, dropping a kiss to his hair before getting up to explore the workshop.

\- And he did. He dropped into feverish nothingness, head still against Carol's shoulder, before starting awake a few seconds (?) later at the sound of a soft cough.

" _Liz_?" And of course she looked guilty, dammit, were all his cars as messed up as he was? " _Shit_ , I knew there was something up with you, why didn't you tell me when you could've, is it 'cause I'm sick, 'cause that's just stupid, Liz."

"It's minor," said the e-tron calmly, "and it only developed yesterday morning, I don't expect you to have me fixed in a day, particularly when you're sick."

"I have not been sick since yesterday _morning_ ," protested Tony, but subsided under eight severe pairs of eyes. "Eight to one, not fair, you guys."

"Your temperature has been elevated for approximately thirty-four hours and forty-six minutes, sir."

"Et tu, JARVIS, I genuinely cannot believe I _like_ all of you, what a consummate _sap_ I am, Liz, we'll have Bruce check on you some time today, okay, and if I dare to forget _remind_. _me_."

"Fuck you, Tony, you're sicker than I am."

" _Wow_ , I had not pegged you for the swearing type."

"The more you know."

"Ignis, stop lying there and smiling like you've got the cream, jeez." She poked him lazily in the side. "And Adrian, hey, I know you're more the quiet-onlooker-until-called-upon type, but say something, man."

"Hello, Tony," said the R8 obligingly, and flashed him the warmest of smiles.

At which point Tony decided to blame the sudden sensitivity of his eyes on the fever.

"You all sound like your engines, it's perfect, it's as perfect as the snuggles, oh god, I'm _saying things_ , I - DUM-E, might just need some more ibuprofen here?"

***

"Sir, Captain Rogers is approaching the workshop."

"Guess he'll have to know sometime - let him in, Jarv."

JARVIS let him in.

There was a deathly silence. In Steve's defence, he _had_ just walked in on Tony being cuddled by a man and a woman - among six other men and women.

In Tony's defence, Ignis had demanded a hug and Harry had sulked Carol into relinquishing him and now here they were.

"Cap," said Tony, "this is not what it seems. Although of course you could argue that nothing is as it seems, some guy did, actually, was it Plato, or the other guy, the coniine guy, one of those guys."

"Tony," returned Steve after sputtering for a few seconds, "who are these people? Where did they come from, do you need - "

" _No_ ," broke in Tony firmly, starting upright at the telltale twitch of the Captain's shield arm. " _No_ , Steve, do not hurt my girls. Or, you know, my boys. Do not. Hurt. Them. I will explain. JARVIS, get Pepper, and get the others, get the others exactly five minutes after you get Pepper, go."

"Ms Potts _is_ indeed in the tower at present, sir, thank you for asking; she is on her way to the workshop now."

"Snark, snark, snark, why did I make such a snarky AI, Steve? - Why did I make such a snarky AI, Harry?"

"Because you wanted to snark at someone who would understand your snark," said Ignis, "which entailed that the entity concerned should be snarky as well."

Tony tried his hardest not to say _You are all nuts and I love you._

"You are all nuts and I love you," he said, poking her gently on the nose. " _But_ I asked Harry, not you."

"I agree with her," said Harry.

"JARVIS told me you were sick - oh, don't you scowl at him, Tony, I asked after you - and - I - wait - you all seem to - ."

At which Tony grinned, because, hey, fever, and Steve really was extremely adorable when flustered. He also heroically resisted melting into the gentle calloused Roadsterly hand at his back, but Steve wasn't to know that, so there.

"Seem to?" he encouraged. "Seem to know you? Seem to be checking you out? 'Cause I'd say yes to both, I heard you purring, you two impeccable rascals, oh hi, Pepper, come in, come here, sit down, you'll want to be sitting down for this."

"Pepper," said Carol softly.

" _Oh_ ," said Pepper, looking slowly around the workshop.

"Yeah, 'oh', c'mere, sit down."

"Tony," ventured Steve in a small voice as Pepper obliged.

"Found your voice, hmm?"

"...Tony, where are your cars?"

"G'morning, Cap," said Elizabeth huskily.  
  
***  
  
Bruce took Steve aside, sat him down on a workbench and patiently explained.

"The one in dark blue is the Shelby Cobra, the orange one the Saleen, the sparkling little one is the Tesla - electric car, stupendously powerful for its, um, her, engine - the purple one’s the Acura NSX, the two vaguely similar ones are the Audi R8s, the one in beige must be the Rolls, though beige - " he shrugged. "And I must admit I didn’t think the hot rod would be wearing a suit, but there you go. At least his tie and handkerchief are red, I guess?"

Steve blinked.

"Tony...doesn’t seem surprised."

"Oh, he’s pretty adaptable, actually, and besides, they’re family, they’ve all got names and personalities and - oh, you mean by the hot rod? I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? It’s not like Pepper seems fazed either."

"Stop making eyes at my Ford," yelled Tony from across the room. "I will have you know that for all his hot-roddishness, Harry is a _gentleman_."

"Which," said Pepper vaguely fondly, "is more than can be said for you."

"Me? I _pride_ myself on not being a gentleman. I don’t _need_ to be a gentleman."

"You do realize you’re going to have to tell SHIELD about this sometime, right?" Bruce called back.

"I shall do so, Bruceybear. _Eventually_."

Bruce snorted softly.

"He does know his cars, though, I’d give him that and let him have his fun, Steve."

"And," Steve said, feeling even further out of his element than usual, "they all had names and personalities even before... _this_."

"Well, yeah."

"And you know this because?"

Bruce grinned.

"Because Tony is surprisingly voluble when he thinks you’re not listening. Or is confident you won’t laugh at him if you chance to overhear. Combine that with being slightly out of it from, oh, exhaustion, sickness, injury, even alcohol...Well, I get to hear a lot."

"My name is Rei," said a voice from beside them, and a curious black gaze was suddenly fixed on the scientist. "You stroked my arm once."

"Um," said Bruce.  
  
***  
  
"Kat. ...Um, Kath. Kate."

"Mmm?"

Ignis arranged herself next to the Phantom.

"Why’re you wearing beige?"

"It’s sensible," said Katherine. "And pretty, I think."

Ignis hummed. "What d’you make of this whole... _being human_ jazz?"

"It’s...amusing? For a time. But if Tony thinks for a minute he can start lying to us because we look like humans now, I’m going to punch him in the face."

"I miss my engine," said Ignis morosely.

"Hey, cheer up, love. Does take a bit of getting used to, but I’d say enjoy this body while you can - and you have a damn good one, you know, we all do - we’re performance cars, after all. _Tell_ me that last one didn’t sound Tonyish."

"...it did, actually."

"Well, whoops."

"Natasha’s kind of pretty."

"They all are."

"And they’re all good people," Ignis agreed, "but somehow only Bruce and Natasha seem to _get it_. And Pepper, of course, but Pepper’s _Pepper_."

"That’d be because Bruce and Natasha get _Tony_. They know him better, so they know us better."

"You are a very sorted person."

"I’m a Rolls. We look and sound ‘sorted’ even if we aren’t, my poor tempestuous little American."

"I’m gonna put my arm in yours and sit here and watch the world go by," said Ignis, and did.  
  
***  
  
"Did you know they had names _before_...this?"

"Yup," said Natasha brightly, showing no signs of having just taught two Audi R8s how to play Battleships. "It’s not actually very hard to figure out, even Clint did it."

" _Hey_."

"I was not aware of the fact," boomed Thor with equal cheer, "but I look upon it with hearty approval!"

"You would, too," said Clint sourly, and received an elbow in the ribs from his fellow spy.

" _You_ are just bugged that Lyra didn’t buy your hastily-manufactured interest in clean energy - "

"Are _you_ ," broke in Steve despairingly, "on _first-name terms with Tony’s cars_?"

"More," said Natasha, and winked.

***

"I'm not entirely happy with giving you cough suppressants...we'll start you on a mild antibiotic and see how you do with an inhaler, is that okay?"

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, but acquiesced.

"Have you examined Tony?"

"Yeah, he's an idiot, but he should be fine."

She grinned and patted his arm.

"You're okay," she said. "I mean, you seem to get him. - I mean I haven't been here very long so I suppose I can't claim to know him really well, and I've only heard the others' and the bots' and JARVIS' accounts of the _shit_ he's been through, but he's never struck me as - well, let's just say the only Tony we know is the one the outside world never gets to see."

"Being a piece of technology would get you past plenty of his barriers, yes."

"I think it's more that...he doesn't even bother setting them up," said Elizabeth thoughtfully. "We're sort of...universal observers, you see. I mean we're made to run, to travel, and to love and hold and protect, but a lot of a car's life is spent just...standing there, you know? So we 'pieces of technology', as you put it, are pretty much born with the tendency to see things exactly as they are. People in particular. ...It gets a little harder when you're made of flesh and blood yourself."

"You really are awesome," said Rei; the Audi blushed. "Adrian is awesome, but you are _doubly_ awesome. I see why Tony wanted another R8 after all. Also never tell him that. - Never tell him that, Bruce."

"If you say so."

"You're the cutest."  
  
***  
  
"Holy _shit_ , Stark, you are actually burning."

"Lyra likes you, she's just too shy to show it. I'd take her up to the range and show off a little instead of pretending to understand her gushing about my reactor tech, just sayin'."

" _I_ would go sit down before I fell down," returned Clint, but stalked off in the wake of Tony's grin to act on the offered advice.  
  
***  
  
Apparently it was now Kate's turn to snuggle him. Equally apparently she was going to do it with a sleeping Saleen tucked into her other side. Which was okay, because Tony had a (very much awake, though) Pepper for his.

Carol, being Carol, had somehow managed to arrange herself with her legs splayed across all of theirs and Harry at her back.

"Oh, you've no idea," she was currently saying to Pepper. "We're always there, you know, for anyone smart enough to know we are and seek us out. Tony learnt that early. You," she added, "were getting there. Thank you, by the way. For loving him. For accepting love from him."

"I," said Pepper, and he squeezed her hand. "You're welcome?"

"This whole cuddling arrangement breaks up you're getting a huge Shelby hug for that alone, Pepper - and you're also a real wonderful girl, we all love you, you should know that. It's actually kinda nice we got to tell you - nobody's really got the chance to prove it yet but Kat here - " Katherine nodded her agreement - "but we're all always here for you no matter what, okay? Okay. As I was sayin', this genius moron here figured that out early."

"Hey."

"Kid always did run to us when things got bad - you think we can ever forget the night you came to Harry to be held because you _couldn't freaking stand_ , you are dead wrong, my kitten - "

"Carol. - _Harry_."

"You were dying in my arms, Tony," said Harry quietly, "and James Rhodes had to _pick you up_ and still couldn't see how bad things were."

" _Hey_ , don't you blame that on Rhodey, okay - "

"I am not, I'm just sayin' you're an idiot."

"Which was pretty much never in question to you, Harry." And suddenly he was letting his _suited booted bespectacled '32 hot rod_ clasp his hand, and feeling Pepper's glare on the back of his head, the one that meant _you went to them and not to me_ , and dammit, Pepper, we've been over this, and I tried to tell you, I tried _so hard_ -

"Harry - Carol, you guys, you've always been - hey, you've always been the _same_ , you know? I mean I, what, used to run to you in _college_ \- " and before, but if they weren't bringing that up neither was he, thanks, so yeah, sure, college - "when I couldn't deal with the vast amount of stupidity I'd found myself in, seriously, guys, so many people, so much _bullshit_ \- "

"So you'd forget your meds and curl up in a cramped ol' sportscar till the migraines let up enough that you could _stop crying_."

"Carol, what the hell, stop telling Pepper this _embarrassing shit_ , tell her about, oh, I don't know, the crazy and brilliant stuff I made, or - "

"Told you," said Carol, stealing his hand from the Ford, "stupidest genius on the freakin' planet."

"C5, D5, E5," came Adrian's voice from across the room.

"Hit a cruiser," returned Elizabeth. "Other two wide. B2, B3, B4."

"Are my Audis playing _Battleships_?"

"I remember," said Ignis dreamily, and when had _she_ woken up, whoa, "the night you whisked me off into the middle of nowhere to stargaze, of all things. - Knew you had some sense in you when you chose me over a Mustang in the first place."

"Mustangs are shit at cornering," mumbled Tony, looking as sheepish as it was possible for a Stark to look. "And there is no one in the _galaxy_ who can question my taste, okay, just look at all of you - "

"I remember a certain scruffy cat," said Katherine, "whose every other sentence had theretofore been innuendo. A cat with his arm in a sling, who'd been missing for three months. And I remember driving this cat to a press conference he insisted must happen immediately because he knew it was right, despite the frankly ridiculous amount of pain he was in."

At which Pepper started. Barely perceptibly, but she did.

"Are you," she ventured, "...are you touch-telepaths or something?"

"No, just very, very aura-sensitive. Besides, we're pretty attuned to Tony, living with him and such."

"You know," broke in Ignis, "I remember an _actual_ cat - a little furry mahogany-coloured fluffball who somehow managed to get _Thor_ to give JARVIS instructions on how to make him an _Iron Cat suit_. And then curled up to sleep on my hood, and damn, Tony, but you were the warmest, cuddliest, purriest - "

"You're pretty purry yourself, you."

"I did cuddle him when he was a cat," smirked Pepper. "He wanted to come to work with me. That was pretty much the only time."

"F2, G2, H2."

" _Liz_!"

"Guys, I am serious, stop with the embarrassing shit."

"Hey, we've all got the standard stories of your drunken shenanigans, but those are all _boring_."

There were various engine-noted hums of assent - and a sudden curious whir.

"DUM-E!" squealed Carol before Tony had a chance to speak. "Have we been neglecting you, come here, baby."

And she pulled him towards her and planted a hearty kiss on his claw.

DUM-E beeped, whirled his claw frantically three hundred and thirty-one degrees and back, and retreated hurriedly to his charging station. Tony staggered incredulously to his feet and found himself face to face with a flabbergasted Steve.

"I don't know how much you saw of that," he said before the Captain could open his mouth, "but I'm just gonna go talk my bot down from the blue funk he's got into after being kissed by my car."

And did not burst into hysterical laughter as he stumbled towards the charging station. Not at all. Shut up.  
  
***  
  
DUM-E calmed (achieved by taking more ibuprofen) and U and Butterfingers de-huffed, Tony managed to shoo the other Avengers out of the workshop and gather his cars around him on the floor. Incidentally, cushions. JARVIS was made of _win_.

"Okay, guys, sitrep before SHIELD arrives. Not counting Liz, you're all physically good?" Nods all round. "And you've no idea what or who could have done this to you?"

"My first thought was Loki," said Lyra disinterestedly, "but apparently Thor says he couldn't have?"

"Magic, can we not do better than suspecting _magic_ , come on, guys, give me something to work with here. Memories, sensations, something."

"I remember being _tired_ ," said Adrian. "And not the been-on-a-satisfying-run kind of tired either, the engine-trouble kind of tired." Slightly distressed purrs of assent. "And then I slept. And then I woke up and Carol had apparently dragged you off the workbench you'd fallen asleep on to hold you."

"Hey, he was sick and we all felt terrible and I wanted to figure out how to use these damn limbs."

"They're pretty easy to figure out, Carol."

"Not if you don't try, Harry my lad."

"Okay, okay, order in - . The workshop. _Order in the workshop._ "

There was order in the workshop.

"Next point. Do you guys... _like_ your human bodies? I mean given - oh jeez, be quiet, you guys - given a choice between staying human or going back - I mean I wouldn't want to try to send you back if you were happy here as you are - "

"You just _bloody_ bet I'd bloody like to go back," said Katherine emphatically. "Human bodies are shit, Tony, we all know that, we've all seen enough proof of that to last our lifetimes put together. _Living with you and all._ "

Tony rolled his eyes.

"So," said Pepper, "that'd be one vote in favour of going back."

"Aye," said Adrian and Elizabeth at once.

"I'm a _Rolls_ , dammit."

"Aye," put in Lyra. "I prefer being charged to having to eat human food _or_ gasoline, thanks."

"I'm kinda having fun by now," said Ignis, "but it's gonna grow old real fast. Aye."

"Count me in," said Harry.

"Me too," added Rei, who had tired rather quickly and was sitting closest to Tony, her head against his knees.

"Aye, baby," said Carol reluctantly, "but I'm gonna hug the hell outta you one last time before I go. Consider it a combination of all the times I've wished I had arms to hold you with. You're more or less my kid, you know - Harry's kid and mine."

Tony patted her awkwardly on the head; she gave him a radiant smile.  
  
***  
  
"What d'ya know, we've warranted a visit from Director Grimm himself."

"Behave yourself, Tony," said Carol, cuffing him lightly upside the head. "Director Fury, how nice to meet you while able to talk to you in your own language. Hello, Agent Coulson, how's Lola doing - and - " she paused, and blinked, and Tony suppressed a grin. And was pretty sure he deserved an award for having done so.

"This is my Shelby," he explained over Coulson's 'excellently, as always'. "Carol, Director Fury, Agent Coulson, Agent Hill."

"I don't believe we've met," said Carol.

"We haven't," said Maria Hill, shaking the proffered hand. "I've never been in Stark's workshop before. I wasn't sure it would be worth it; I now see I was wrong."

Tony steered Fury and Coulson along to meet the others, inwardly cheering the Cobra on.  
  
***  
  
"Okay, um. Ladies. Gentlemen. Vehicles."

Eight pairs of eyes turned towards him.

"For the duration of your, uh, stay here, you're going to need rooms, right? I'll ask JARVIS to show you to them, any preferences?"

"Liz and I will share," said Adrian promptly.

"And Harry and I," said Carol after a silent conversation.

"Right, so the rest of you, individuals, no objections? Okay, hop to it, Jarv, we'll find you guys some nightclothes for now and Happy and I will take you shopping tomorrow, okay? Off you go."

"You," said Pepper with an ominous absence of expression, "are going to take them shopping?"

"Hey, I figured you wouldn't be available - "

"- which I am not - "

" - so bar a, you know, random villainous monster attack, I'll rope in Nat to help the girls, is that okay? Notice the little communal purr they had at the idea of Happy? Kath, you okay?"

The Rolls had stopped beside him and seemed to be trying to pretend she didn't exist. Tony, loath though he was to admit it, had a great deal of experience with pretending that.

"You stared after Ignis," he said to her softly, "before she left. There a reason for that?"

"I was hoping she'd be willing to share," admitted Katherine, "but she looks pleased as Punch to have a bedroom of her own."

It seemed the most natural thing in the world to slip an arm around her and nuzzle her hair. "Unrequited crush?"

"I think it's requited," said the Phantom matter-of-factly. "I also think she doesn't know that yet. I'm not gonna push her," she added, and dropped her head onto his shoulder. "Tony...Tony, I don't want to be alone."

"Hey," said Pepper, approaching them quietly and patting her shoulder. "I doubt Tony's up to much but sleeping tonight. If you like you can stay with us."

"Honest?" said Katherine, eyes lighting up, and really - _really_ , there was stateliness even in a Rolls' gratitude, and likely even in her fear. On occasion you did have to hand it to the Brits. "I'd like that."  
  
***  
  
She awoke to Tony calling her name, to his well-known dexterous hands in her hair, to Pepper firmly gripping her hand as she struggled to remember how to breathe.

"Kate. Kate. You're with us, you're okay. You're safe. You're fine - all right? Good girl." And his thumbs gently brushed the moisture from her cheeks, and was her air conditioner malfunctioning, this was not good - "Kate, Kath, breathe, baby, come on. That's it, are you okay?"

Bed. Hands. Hair. Tony. Pepper. Human. Still human. Right.

"Cars don't need to sleep," she managed to whisper. " - Cars don't need to dream."

Tony lowered himself to a horizontal position beside her, tucking an arm, still warmer than usual, around her waist; Pepper, on her other side, followed suit.

"You wanna talk it out?" he offered, gentler than he'd ever been.

Kate closed her eyes and wished she still had a malfunctioning air conditioner to blame. Tony brushed away the moisture again; somehow she managed to find her voice.

"I dreamt of being cut open on the Circuit de Monaco. I dreamt my doors were of flesh and blood and bone, that they were irreplaceable - that they were sliced off me. Cauterized. Crippled. I dreamt of living with the others in the debris in Malibu, and that no one would return because there was no one left alive to. ...I dreamt of waiting at the airstrip with you, Pepper - and waiting - and _waiting_ \- and _Rhodey came alone_."

And Pepper was kissing her gently on the cheek, and Tony was pulling her closer to him, his hands at her shoulders, and beckoning to his lover. And suddenly Kate was sandwiched between them, crying with relief as their hearts beat strong and true against her.

"You never told me which nickname you prefer," Tony whispered into her hair.

"I like all three," sobbed Katherine, and meant it.  
  
***  
  
It took two weeks to hit upon the truth: that magic was not, after all, the cause. The cause, in point of fact, was a certain Ms Lucia Macchina, engineer and auto-geek - oh, and also supervillain. Who one fine day unleashed hordes of robotic Swiss knives on the streets of New York City.  
  
The Avengers, naturally, were called upon to assemble, and assemble they did.  
  
And fight they did.  
  
Only suddenly there were several more fighters than usual, because of course Nat had trained them in basic self-defence, and of course Tony had given them an earpiece each. And of _course_ Ignis was an excellent shot with a pair of hand repulsors (seriously, Tony? Seriously?) and of _course_ Carol and Harry were respectable hand to hand fighters, taking out Macchina's few human minions so the rest could focus on the rampaging tools. Of course Kate leapt to the Widow's assistance, and Ignis to Tony's and Lyra to Clint's - and Elizabeth and Adrian turned out superb strategists, almost unconsciously helping ease the burden on Steve.  
  
And yes, of _course_ Rei sat atop the Hulk's able shoulders with a set of hand repulsors of her own.  
  
Tony gloated. Clint whooped. Hulk roared. Everyone bantered. Bruce and Rei surfaced laughing from a pile of defunct corkscrews.  
  
Steve shook Liz's and Adrian's hands and grinned.  
  
"Harry - Ignis - hell, all eight of you, and all the rest of you of course, excellent work, I am the proudest mentor this side of the universe - "  
  
"Stark, we are going to have a _long_ talk about this."  
  
"Hill, baby, you'd never have approved this undeniable tactical advantage and you know it - and besides, Clint found the power source that should turn 'em back to their rightful forms, so you can keep your severely-tied-back hair on - "  
  
"This is the sound of me facepalming in your exact direction, Stark."  
  
"That, Tasha, was _bloody_ fun."  
  
"I agree. Good work. For a Rolls."  
  
"You work with many Rolls before?"  
  
"Carol, you're the _best_ , also your jumpsuit, girl, you are _gorgeous_ , if Agent Hill could see you now."  
  
"And you look like some kinda scientific angel, Lyra, where the hell'd you get that Cherenkov-blue dress?"  
  
"Tony, if you'd be so kind as to get us down off this damn building - "  
  
"Sitrep, Widow," growled Fury's voice over the comms.  
  
"Threat neutralized, cleanup initiated," said Natasha smoothly, "Stark's cars are hitting on each other, what else is new. Oh, and also us. I am not entirely uninterested. Stark says Clint found the power source."  
  
"Heard that. Hill is pissed. Fury out."  
  
The press ran riot.  
  
Tony, high off adrenaline, gleeful at the discovery of the power source and ridiculously honest at the worst of times, smirked at the cameras and said, "These? These, ladies and gents, are my cars."  
  
***  
  
"You will be pleased to know," said JARVIS to Bruce, "that the power source worked."  
  
And indeed it had.  
  
And the workshop was oddly quiet.  
  
"Tony, y'here?"  
  
Silence; apparently not.  
  
So Bruce walked in among the cars, placed a hand gently on Rei's hood, and looked at each of them in turn. At Kate, majestic and placid and constant; at Harry and Carol, radiating wisdom; at Elizabeth and Adrian, intelligent and intimate; at Lyra, small and deceptively sweet; at Ignis, audacious and sultry as ever. And at the purple metal beneath his palm.  
  
And -  
  
Wait.  
  
Sprawling red roadster with gold alloys and brake callipers. Lozenge-shaped headlights. Cute little snub nose. Ridiculously tiny ground clearance.  
  
It also seemed to be _glowering at him_.  
  
"Dr Banner," said JARVIS, sounding apologetic, and apparently JARVIS could sound apologetic? "Sir would like you...'not to fucking dare tell anyone about this'."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"Except Ms Potts."  
  
Bruce sighed and shook his head.  
  
"In fact, Ms Potts may be informed that Sir's key is to be found in his ignition."  
  
***  
  
"You know, I always did wonder why Tony didn't own a Lamborghini."  
  
The Widow raised an inquiring eyebrow.  
  
"Turns out," said Bruce with the _phantom_ of a grin, "it's because he _is_ a Lamborghini himself."

**Author's Note:**

> 'Catcon' = catalytic converter, which is vehicles' equivalent of calling someone an asshole.  
> Tony is a [Lamborghini Aventador Roadster](http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8255/8678742156_5b65243f4a_b.jpg), in case you hadn't figured that out already. *g* He turns back eventually, of course, with Bruce's help, but Pepper totally drives him first. ;)  
> (Please note that I mean the [Roadster](http://oi40.tinypic.com/2n0scc5.jpg), not the [Jota](http://www.themotorreport.com.au/content/image/l/a/lamborghini_aventador_j_unica_02-0306.jpg), because the Jota is her own person and there's only one of her. ;))
> 
> Please feel free to ask any questions you like about this 'verse. I'd love to ~~be thought a little less crazy~~ get automotive-anthropomorphism-related things straightened out a little in my head by talking about them. :D
> 
> (Also - Lambos have start buttons. Tony being Tony, the key-in-the-ignition bit was innuendo.)


End file.
